But I am determined to look the best I can for me. It really is amazing how easy it is to put on extra lbs and not even realize it until one day you wake up and realize that you can't wear anything in your closet and that you don't feel good and your body feels like someone elses. It doesn't just happen overnight. It takes a while and that's what happened to me. It's difficult for me to believe I let myself go this way for such a long time before realizing that if I didn't take action now it might be too late. In fact, I wasn't even convinced, after coming out of denial, that it wasn't too late. I was sure I had done irreparable damage to my body through inactivity and weight gain. And I probably have. But that doesn't mean I can't do everything within my power to overcome this self afflicted problem.
I'm not even sure exactly when the weight started to creep up on me. It was so gradual. I recall having to buy a size larger in my clothes and then I would have to buy a size larger than that. Finally I would wear only things that were stretchy and tops that I thought hid my 'problem'.
Going out became even more of a problem because I could never find anything suitable to wear. Nothing fit me. Nothing I wanted to be seen in anyway. I lost interest in going out or even being with friends or family. I was embarrassed.
The breakthrough came one day when I was having difficulty just getting out of bed. And everything hurt. Even the bottoms of my feet hurt. It suddenly dawned on me that I had to take action and simply couldn't stay in denial any longer. I did the dreaded thing and got on the scales. I hadn't done that in years. I was shocked. With each ten lbs I felt I needed to lose I imagined a ten lb sack of potatoes and thinking about my body carrying these around made me realize why I was in pain and so distorted looking. I decided that day to go on a diet and change my life style.
It wasn't easy. But I knew if I didn't do something simple I probably wouldn't stick to it so I decided to go on the Slim-Fast diet. That seemed straightforward enough. Two cans of Slim-Fast a day and a sensible 500 calorie meal at breakfast, lunch or dinner. And snacks which are allowed by the diet too.
The most difficult thing was telling Robert that I wasn't going to be able to eat with him any longer. IOW I was going to be drinking my meals most of the time and also I was going to be eating my dinner no later than 7 PM. Anything after that is simply too difficult for the body to properly digest. Robert and I were in the habit of eating late. I didn't tell him I wouldn't cook for him anymore but just we weren't going to be doing what we had been. I thought he would be upset but he wasn't at all. He was really happy with my decision and fully supported me. He immediately bought me some Slim-Fast. LOL Then we went to the drugstore and got vitamins. I was convinced I probably had a vitamin D deficiency for lack of sunshine. So I began to take a good multi-vitamin, extra D, Niacin(B3) before each meal, and supplemental B12, which I tend to also be deficient in for whatever reason. I would like to mention that if you aren't familiar with Niacin (B3) and all the benefits one receives from it that you might research it on the internet. It's really an amazing vitamin. The other thing I decided to do was drink Bragg's Apple Cider vinegar each morning on arising. I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to be healthy. If you want to know more just Google it. So the only thing left to do was to begin to get some form of exercise to go along with everything else.
I decided to go swimming. I could barely squeeze into my biggest one piece bathing suit and when I looked in the mirror all I could think of was that I looked like a samarai wrestler. It was a very humbling experience that first day at the pool. First off my body was sooooo white. I've always had a nice tan. But I looked like this great big white whale. My bathing suit felt like it was jabbing into my skin because it was really too small and there were some other people at the pool and it was really embarrassing for me to be seen looking this way.
I wasn't even sure I could still swim. But I was able to do a couple of laps and then some exercises in the shallow end. I decided I was going to go to TJ Max and invest in a bigger suit.
After we went swimming, Robert and I went to TJ Max and looked at suits. His suit was pretty old and a little tight on him too (don't tell him I told). The first place we went was to the men's section where he didn't like any of the suits they had because they all had the long legs and he was used to the shorter type. I pointed out a beautiful navy and aqua suit but he didn't like the long legs and so thirty minutes later we left with the one I had chosen to begin with. hehehe Then I found a couple of very matronly looking suits and tried them on and chose the lesser of the evils. The one I chose was guaranteed to make me look ten lbs thinner. It was a huge brightly colored floral print and took some real squeezing to get into. I decided that no matter how uncomfortable it was it was worth it because it somehow did make me look not so large. (note how I still can't use the word f*t?)
The next day when Robert and I prepared to go for another swim I tried it on and I felt like I was in a corset. It was going back to the store. I put on my old bathing suit instead and even though the suit was uncomfortable just one day made the swimming easier. I was amazed.
Five weeks have now passed and I have stayed on my diet. I haven't cheated one time even. And I've lost 15 lbs!!! YAYYYYYYY !!!! It's working. And I've begun a great (great for me) exercise routine.
I feel so much better. My body is responding in grateful ways and each day I feel better than the day before. I can tell a huge difference just in my attitude and my energy. I am happier. :)
I still have a ways to go but the days will pass no matter what I do so I'm going to keep on doing this because 'it's working'! I'm never hungry. Sometimes I have to force myself to have that extra can of Slim-Fast but I do it because I don't want to deprive my body of the essential things I know it needs that Slim-Fast has in it. When I have a regular meal it's always something basically normal, like fish, veggies and a small serving of potatoes or rice, or steak or chicken. Basically anything but pasta and bread and cereal. And never anything with sugar. I make no sugar jello and put bananas in it and keep that around for a healthy snack. It's great for you. (my nails are getting longer) and it's nice and refreshing. It was difficult to give up the Extreme Moose Tracks ice cream I love so much but it's worth it! Robert enjoys the jello too.
I'm not totally radical. I still have a cup of coffee each morning and a little glass of white zinfandel in the evenings.
My old bathing suit is fitting me better and I can notice a change (not a lot) in my shape. The main thing is that I can tell I feel so much better and I am looking forward to the next ten lbs.
Next post will be about my exercise routine. I'm very excited over sharing it with you!
I love you!!!
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